S’not funny!

This is so s’not funny … I lost all my nose hair.  Who knew those tiny hairs were so useful?  Is there no end to the indignities of cancer?  While out shopping at Costco, Heather had to wipe her nose on her sleeve like a snotty brat.  Caught red nosed without a kleenex.  So not sexy …

Inhaling crud on the way in?  Those little hairs capture all the tiny particles you don’t want to breathe into your lungs.  I now have a cough since I don’t have particle traps.

Gatekeepers on the way out?  They stop your nose from dripping … so I have a constantly runny nose.  I was wondering why my nose was so drippy the last few days.  Allergies with no nose hair are no any fun.

And why do I still have leg hair?!  On the flip side of that … I still have my eyebrows and eyelashes as well, so I guess I should not be complaining.  Eventually I will be one smooth wax job … aerodynamic body!

Today is C3 T-24 (one more day to Chemo 3) …

My sense of taste and smell become heightened after chemotherapy because it can affect my mouth and nose receptors, and tell my brain everything has gone bad.  Everything smells off.  Me.  The dogs. The floor.  The sink.  The fridge.  The gas station.  The local restaurants.  Strawberries.  The coffee.  My favourite chocolate … Fuck OFF! Chemo!

Sophie Starbucks

Gag.  Overwhelming odours cause overwhelming nausea.  Altered sensory perception is a common side effect of chemotherapy, and is one of the main reasons eating is so difficult.

So far I have only had one small mouth ulcer (canker) due to biting my own lip when my dog Carly headbutted me.  I rinsed my mouth out with salt & baking soda water swishes to take care of it.  These are a common occurrence for the cancer patient.  I have to rinse my mouth several times a day to prevent infection, then use biotène, a moisturizing mouthwash that helps maintain a healthy oral environment (that’s what the bottle says!).

I can’t eat or drink anything that has a smell.  Which is why a bland diet is best post-chemo for one to three days.

Running tab on my chemo cuisine:

Chemo 1:  English muffins

Chemo 2:  Plain 2% greek yogurt & applesauce

Chemo 3:  Brown toast with Peanut Butter

Chemo 4:  More plain 2% greek yogurt

       Chemo 5:  Eating fairly normal on Taxol …

Chemo 16:  Will I still be eating?!

Strawberries were overwhelmingly tart and sweet.  I couldn’t stand them.  For a day.

I’ve also learned not to eat favourite foods after chemo.  Immediately after Chemo 1, my handler Sherri and I went for Thai … I had my favourite Cream Curry Chicken.

Do you think I can tolerate cream curry now … even five weeks later?  Nope.  The mere thought makes me want to hurl.

Perhaps I should overload myself on Wendy’s Baconator and it’s whopping 1000 calories?  And add a chocolate Frosty with large fries to that order!

Maybe I will eat all kinds of bad shit in my post chemo apocalypse … leaving me without desire for anything but a vegan diet.  Hmmmmmmm.

Methods in the madness.

Tastefully yours,

Lisa

P.S.  July update … I get nose bleeds because my nose hairs are gone and my nasal passages have dried out.  I have to shove KY Jelly up my nose.  That’s the most fun I am having.  KY Jelly.  Up my nose.  The indignities of cancer …

P.P.S.  August update … I am still blowing blood soaked mucus out of my nose and I hate the smell of KY Jelly.

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© Lisa Jobson 2017

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